To arrive somewhere in an extremely epic fashion with much style and flair; almost to the point of being out of control.
Last year, and all the years before, I organized each boy’s backpack with all the supplies I bought weeks before school started. Yesterday, I waltzed into our elementary school with two random boxes with shipping tape hanging off them, filled with a little more than half the supplies that just arrived from Amazon (because I ordered them Sunday night of course). We fluttered around the classroom with clorox wipes and colored pencils, and turned in our sheet to the teacher with a *sorry! will send these Thursday! marked next to some items. School supplies get shelved in Target in July so I always think, “Oh, silly Target, we don’t need those yet, there’s still time.” But then August 13th comes and I’m like, “THERE’S NO TIME!” and wonder why Target is sold out of the six pack of fine tip dry erase markers in all black only.
I love being organized, but I’m chaotically organized the older I get and the more balls I have in the air. Does that make sense? I buy all the planners and bins and shelves and task apps, but then I have notebooks and post-its and planners and notifications flying around everywhere. You feel me?!
Last year, I would have hidden my haphazard supply box and tried not to show disheveled me because that would be so embarrassing, and I would feel like a failure. But this year, (through lots of reading and journaling and counseling), I’ve been slowly falling into the real me. And I’ve been showing her to people. And you know what? I really like her! She’s funny and more easygoing and not so hard on herself. Most of the time it feels awkward and disjointed, but it is so freeing! I don’t have it all together, and never will, and that’s okay! (Even just typing that last sentence feels so odd, but so good!)
Here’s the deal, you’re going to get this me this year. The slightly disarrayed, but very real and present me. I might double book something and have to cancel on you (so sorry in advance!), you’ll probably find spilled soy wax on my floor that’s been there for weeks, and I may or may not have four day unwashed hair. (Long hair is exhausting to blow dry, you guys.) I’m a working mom of three boys, also running a side hustle small business, and an introverted/slightly socially anxious enneagram 6. I’m doing the best I can. 🙂
Listen, if you’re reading this and are like, “what! I can’t even relate!” then I salute you. I really do. I think you’re awesome. And maybe you’re reading this are like, “YES. I FEEL YOU.” then I salute you too! We all belong. All the kinds. You do you, and do it proud. That is the most amazing truth I’ve ever discovered, and I’m standing by it! All of us make up something really beautiful and diverse and filled with goodness. (I just want the world to stand in one big circle while hugging and singing, “We Are the World”. It’s my dream.)
