Endings + Beginnings

Don’t mind me, I’m just over here under my covers at 6:30 pm drinking wine, scrolling through old photos of the boys while “Graduation Song” by Vitamin C plays on YouTube in the background.

I do this every year. I get so excited for the end of the school year (mostly because my boys get so excited!), and then I feel deep sadness when it’s done. It’s sobering to think another whole year has passed; we are all another year older, another year that we won’t get back. Another year until my boys are grown and gone. Is that too depressing? That’s how I feel! 😭

It makes me think of my own school days. Wasn’t I just in high school? (Don’t answer that). Wasn’t I just in the hospital having my baby? Wasn’t I just moving into my first house? Gosh, time really does fly. Everyone says that, but it’s so true. The days feel so long, but the years feel so short.

Endings used to be really hard for me. I know, I know, crying in my sweats watching 90s YouTube songs sounds pretty bad, but I promise I used to be even worse. ☺️ It was when my oldest started Kindergarten (TEN YEARS AGO!!!!!!), that I hit a breaking point. I was like, okay, I have to make a decision here. I can either wallow in this sadness and cling to the past (while missing the fleeting present), or I can feel the sadness, honor the memory, and move forward to a new beginning.

Beginnings need endings to happen.

So much good HAS happened, and I honor the past. But, so much good IS coming and I stand with open arms to the future. I believe that the whole story is important: the ups, downs, pitfalls, and mountaintops. So, I don’t want to stand in the way of my kids’ Story, nor my own Story. Sometimes it will be full of joy, sometimes it will be painful and I’ll sit here and cry and drink my Merlot while I mourn this particular Ending. But it’s okay. Give me a couple days and I’ll be up again, ready for the next Beginning.

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” 

-Brene Brown, Daring Greatly